marți, 12 august 2008

Hello from hell


Hello, it is me, from the hell I live in , from the hell which all these people have created and they have thrown me in here. Of course nobody asked me if I want to live in hell because nobody asked you if you want to live this existance which has been offered to you.
Only books save me from the hell, they stop me thinking about the problems which are scratching my brains, a lot of problems... Now I just wonder at the fact that I'm staying in the front of this computer. Is it a computer? Yes, it is a computer because people call it computer. I can't give to it other name. I have to spell the names of the things which people have invented. So I have to say this is a computer even it looks like an insect...
I'm sick, I have fever, no school tomorrow so I can read what I want even if I have fever. I just like to force my brain to the limits... You know, when you are sick you see the world in other way. Now I have again that feeling of non-reality which is becoming deeper and deeper so I have to write because if I stop writing I'll have again that will to cut my hand to see if I still exist... and it hurts also to cut my hand and to see that I exist in this hell...
Now I'm thinking about the words of a Romanian writer...
"Multe vezi accidental si multe observi cascand gura la aceasta lume din care, vrei- nu vrei, tu insuti faci parte.
Singurul lucru care mi se pare logic este sa ma mir... Si daca nu ma mir de toate cele, sufar si disper de conditia de precaritate in care exist, de tranzietoritatea tuturor lucrurilor care imi sunt cunoscute, de viziunea oscilanta care ma locuieste..." Mai sa fie dar ce mult seamana cu mine...
"Daca totul nu e decat un joc absurd, pe margini de prapastie, atunci tragedia e in floare, nu insa pentru nesimtitori si hilari, ci pentru cei care sunt munciti pana peste puterea lor de rezistenta. Totul parca se acopera in ochii mei cu un lintoliu de intuneric, ca si cum fara firul calauzitor al Ariadnei ne-am pierde si am pieri intr-un labirint!"
Arsavir Acterian- " Jurnal in cautarea lui Dumnezeu"

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cum tu te regasesti in citatul acela,la fel ma regasesc si eu in tot ce scrii,imi place sinceritatea ta