marți, 12 august 2008

Fallen into darkness

Today I'm fallen into darkness and fear. It was so hard to wake up and go on living in this world with people who I don't understand. I feel completely on the outside, I feel totally offline, I don't feel like being here, on this planet, in this place... I'm out of here.I try to hold on, to get on, to carry on because that's the only thing I can do to survive. That keeps me alive.The huge love for the people who love me and my books keep me on the line, they let me stay alive... I have no hope.That feeling of " hope" doesn't matter for me. I just live without giving up and keep trying...I don't understand the world and I can't understand the world because nobody can really understand it. I just want to understand a small part of our world, a milimetric one. And I need to study many years to understand that small part but I don't care...I feel better only after 7 hours of hard studying. I feel ok only if I push myself to the limits.I feel too tired to think about my nothingness so I can say I feel ok...

I always try. I always fail.

No matter...

Try again.Fail again.

Fail again.

Fail better...

" Cand nu voi mai exista, Dumnezeu o sa spuna: Fac atatea lucruri si toata lumea le intelege, acum nu mai este nimeni care sa nu le inteleaga."

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