Wonderland In A Can: 2011

sâmbătă, 3 septembrie 2011

Dacă nu-i poți dovedi, alătură-te lor

Asta mi-a trecut azi prin cap cand, în urma multor insistențe ale celor apropiați m-am hotărât să-mi fac cont pe facebook. A fost o mare victorie a lor pentru că au reușit să învingă toată îndărătnicia mea legată de rețele de socializare. Oricum, contul este doar pentru prieteni și persoane care mă cunosc personal și interacționează cu mine, am primit câteva add request-uri de la necunoscuți dar au fost respinse. După ce m-am enervat chinuindu-mă să activez și să dezactivez chestii pe-acolo mă întorc la dependența de muzică.

vineri, 2 septembrie 2011

Mosquitos above one's head

Confined sun, Constanța 2011

I was standing in the back of a mosquito net and thinking. Or well, pretending that. I could feel my brain like a creamy gelatinous filling of my cranial cavity. Writing is not easy sometimes. You need to grip ideas and arrange them in an order that sounds coherent to your head, search for unusual stuff to write about around the city area, climb on the left side on your imagination and so on. And time is required for all these. I was trying to find an explanation for my lack of inspiration and talent in the last few months but I couldn't find one to sound logical. I've been more dedicated to medicine this year then I ever was in the first 2 years of med school. Something about my perception of the outside world changed. I feel like there's too little time left. For what? I don't know yet. I just know that I have to do my best in everything. Now I'm investing lots of time in building personal and professional relationships, talking to people, analyzing ideas and situations and less and less time talking to my inner inked self and writing. And sometimes it's crazy. More medicine, less me? I was talking to someone some time ago and I told him that I can write only when I'm depressed or low. And there were times lately when I've been like that. But something changed because these states of being aren't as deep as they were before and I can get out of them easily. No need to write a hundred pages. Logical analysis of your own state of mind and some psychological tricks work faster.
But all about this. Why am I writing in English? I don't know either. Maybe this is the way the words can arrive faster on the screen. You know what's making me crazy now? I think a week ago I wanted to see how is if I go back online just for fun and socializing. Throughout this year I went online just for science, music and e-mail because I've been too busy with school and personal live life. So now I spent some time chatting to people, surfing on many blogs, analyzing peoples profile on socializing sites and commenting different stuff they were writing. I was commenting in different manners,sometimes smart with arguments, sometimes silly, sometimes funny but never rude or sarcastic. And I sadly found out that almost everyone wants to prove their superiority among others, giving advice, giving themselves as an example, talking about how big they are and how big things they're doing or they did. They showed me how smart, funny and wise they are. I knew... I knew that everyone of us is the center of his/her own universe, that of course, many of us have a good opinion about themselves but... some replies were really rude like "heey you really don't know what you're talking about, my blog post was very okay with that. You should learn/do/think blabla".I can make the difference between a well intentioned advice and an advice that one gives to you in order to prove his/her superiority. That was just a silly experiment. I can't give names or links because probably all the smart people will say that this is a rude thing. And they will be right because this is a rude thing certainly. Many told me stuff about the utility of the online communities and socializing sites. They can make you feel better they said. Yes, support groups maybe can make you feel better and also chatting to somebody you haven't seen for years but... the online world is never better than the real. Online you do everything without effort, without trying to guess someone else's reactions, without using reverse psychology and without living. My little experiment about online socializing was finished because I just got sleepy before popping out a statistic. Online socializing is boring to me. Maybe you think I'm crazy, then I'll tell Bukowski to tell you that you're crazy too.
And I've written too much anyways. Too much for a blog that's already into dust. And mosquitos are flying above my head. And my feet don't always touch the ground.

miercuri, 31 august 2011

Nothing written for months. Not even a scratchy word in an unfinished poem. It's getting dusty in here. Maybe I'll be back writing, maybe I won't. Oh, Agax, you made me normal!
Now I'm back in the supermassive black hole Govora for some time. Maybe the ideas will rise from the middle of nowhere but for the moment I'm satisfying my music addiction with some Rolling Stones, a bit of Nirvana and some old school stuff.
P.S. Click the purple words for the music

miercuri, 27 aprilie 2011

22 de ani fără 10 secunde

I am- shop in Krakow (by me)

La 22 de ani fără 10 secunde
cu venele-n ploaie noaptea nu mai am nimic altceva de făcut
decât să alerg ca o stafie printre luminile oraşului
mi-e atât de frig că halucinez şi după mine aleargă
o grămadă de grase în blugi skinny
şi elefanţi cu pantaloni roz
Te rog toarnă-mi o cafea fierbinte pe creier
să-mi încălzesc circuitele
deja întunericul se revarsă de-a valma în capul meu
şi nu mai aud decât fericirea
care circulă prin liniile telefonice de sărbători
La 22 de ani fara 10 secunde
dorm cu mickey mouse şi vărs lapte pe tricou
aproape în fiecare dimineaţă
încercam să redau în acest poem
o înaltă criză adultă de maturizare emoţională
dar m-am oprit fiindcă am uitat sfârşitul
care cred că era legat de vise emoţii şi alte chestii mature
probabil voiam să spun că
acum nu mai am nimic altceva de făcut
decât să alerg cu venele-n ploaie noaptea
să mă prefac preocupată de problemele ţării
în timp ce găsesc soluţii pentru criza financiară
şi adopt o mimică anxios-depresivă
însă nu pot face asta momentan
deoarece trebuie să lipesc
cablul de care m-am împiedicat azi noapte
în timp ce făceam baloane de săpun
deoarece eu
la 22 de ani fără 10 secunde
sunt un adult mare şi responsabil

duminică, 24 aprilie 2011

Nightwatch in Krakow

The Cathedral

Krakow's street lights

When ghosts of Krakow come to life

Enlighten my brain with your magic

Their spirits will never depart

Lift me up higher, I wanna touch the moon

No, you'll never catch the nightwatcher

Wawel castle by night

"Moonlight falling over me
Sail on where the shadows hide"

Shine a light

Lasciare ogni speranza...

The market

Black skies above Poland... and Myslovitz in my ears

I am up in the clouds I am up in the clouds And I can't and I can't come down

Myslovitz are a polish band I discovered somewhere in 2005 and rediscovered them when I found out I'm going to Poland. They took their name from the city where they belong, called Myslowice. This song has also an English version called Sound of solitude. They are very appreciated in Poland.

Lost somewhere in Krakow (photo story)

Easter morning. Strange feeling of having almost nothing to do. Haven't been like this for such a long time. I almost forgot how it is not being busy. In the last few months I've been on the run.Always on the road, always running after trains and searching the shortest path to arrive... somewhere. Now I'm telling you my story of Krakow, by day and by night. This city has a style, a different way of being. An old center surrounded by modern buildings and Vistula river crossing it. Spring air, fresh mood, blue sky and so nice people. We salute you Krakow.